fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
