she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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