Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
