she peed on how many people?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
