I think I died a long time ago.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
