That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Found the puke drawer
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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