So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Randomize
