And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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