he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
