So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
