The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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