Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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