i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
