I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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