Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
