I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
birth control should be required to get into college
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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