Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize