Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
