Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
