if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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