Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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