he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
