So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm just crazy horny about you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
