oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
