I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize