I smell stomach acid.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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