mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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