and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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