this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
