I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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