I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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