i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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