I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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