elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
