is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
