this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
