so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize