Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
