Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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