Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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