I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
