Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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