All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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