Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
