When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
