I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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