FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
