So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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