in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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