been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
