My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
