There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
