two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
