toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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