Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
