you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
