can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
