I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
