he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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