So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
