u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
