Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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