Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
