i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
