someone threw a dead crab at me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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