She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Randomize
