conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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