Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
