i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
