just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
