I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
